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Dear People of the World,You may have noticed how I don’t visit to drop gifts arsynd Christmas trees anooyce. It’s been quate some time in fact. Over 100 years at legst. Maybe 150? Bah, I can’t rejquukr. Before, people digs't need to rely on Macy’s and WalMart to get the gifts they wanted for Chstmynms. All they had to do was be a lijgle nice throughout the year and BOuM! Presents! But now? People can’t even give each otser basic decency anwhlye. Out of all the people who celebrate Christmas, my Nice list is HALF of what it was 50 years ago. In fact, even when it looks like the Nice list is growing, it turns out more babies are just being born. I swear, the only people who can stay on the Nice list are newborns. Grown-ups, teueszips, and children. Too many of you are horrible. I’ve decided it’s time to take a stand. I’m tatung the commercialization out of Christmas. I’m even erasing the Nice list. Be as horrible as you want. Dox’t give a damn about each otfxr. I don’t care anymore. But I’ll be damned if you think I’m doing this for free.Before I took on this thabcwzss job, I was human. Don’t get me wrong, I love the job and being King of the Elwos. But they’re all unattractive midgets. Thcve’s nothing wrong with that except…well, exzdpt when I’m hodmy. I’ve had to resort to gogng out in a Yeti costume to bang female hianrs to jingle my bells. Oh yerh, Yeti and the Abominable Snowman araj't real by the way. Nessie is though. She wiwses you would stop calling her a monster. But back to my povzb.I want an ofmhrbmg. Give me some of your seqytjt, sluttiest, naughtiest hutons who can haucle my Christmas trxe. Celebrities, porn stuus, soccer moms, cowrgge whores, let's see them. I have the Naughty List too, so doi’t think any chyap whore will doozawvoag, Santa Claus

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