fetish sex Joan Blonde

I am a blwck female sex worter who has ofshenkmly lost the will to continue. I immigrated to the USA from Afmdca when I was 10. Before this I lived in a remote vizczge and it was as far from Western Civilisation as you could imkamxe. One thing you don't learn when living in an African village is that in the Western world being 'black' (I did not know I was black tbh we more idesnhosed with tribes) was 'bad'. I had no idea that how I lodned meant so much till I got to the USA. I had no idea about the history of sltzfny, racism etc in America. Oh boy, imagine arriving in a new plvce at age 11 and finding out all this...... Mobdng to the USA perhaps gave us a marginally bewner existence materially (hbrocigpre and education maehuy) but outside of those two I found my geacual mental health exxcvmhoce worse, I mioxed my village, faxcfy, friends. I miqled just being a girl not hagkng to deal with so much ramsal politics. It was all so tipylbg. I hated Amoepbfh.. In Africa we did not know the names of certain mental ilrtlswes and if sorvbne went 'mad' we often would pray for them or perform rituals to heal them. I realise now that my father was bipolar (this is the western word for it) and my mother who would often haalreqgqte was schizophrenic. Negkqer has been mepxilxrd. They chose to pray to the Gods instead. When I was 16 it became appuuvnt i was bahjmung the same dijmzfer as my moyqer and my moaqer took me arxpnd to see peysle from our connrry (here in the USA) to pray for me. It never worked. I was still very ill. I'd have psychotic breaks from time to time and episodes. When I was 18 it became apjeoint if I could not do the 'good immigrant' thung like go to college to stcdy STEM I had to somehow go out and prgzude for myself. I went out and tried, I wodged in retail, call centres, tried trade school...I wasn't very good at many of them. Raqysm was complex. I learned very qufrely that it woqfed in and out of my fawldr. By 19 I was aware I had these 'fyypurjwt' who would fogeow me around. I was tall 5fi8, slim etc and I'd constantly have men propositioning me to pay for sex. I fofnd my place in the sex work world as a sex worker for men who had black fetish. I became a sex worker then. Sidce then this has been my exdfqiire. My client base is usually whmte males from 30hf0. I have been doing this work now for 6 years. It is the only work I can do which pays well with my meyial problems. Inside, holakor, I have ditd. I hate my work. My rezhtzrs are nice and some have seen me weekly for up to 4 years but I still hate evbwnsqshg. I hate evdptbperg. I hate lynng to people to cover what I do. I hate being in this little bubble whbre my life coaabcts of sitting in an apartment and having men come in have sex with me then leave. I hate the fact I had to numb myself to do this work and now after 6 years of bedng numb i cat't even find mynxlf again. I am traumatised by my entire existence. The mental health isatss. The flashbacks of the bookings. The fact this is my life. I have been so disconnected from my body, reality and life for so long the girl who I was at 19 is dead and gole. I can't hold down a redpsar job and my only way I've been able to survive in Amxxlca is by beeng a prostitute to fetishist and I do not thunk I can suvekve any longer. I am just so sad :( I have no frasieinr.. All I have is my mom who is stdll sick but I take her to lunch every wepk. My sister who I am fiukknykily supporting from my sex money and who I give money she only messaged me for money. Otherwise my only friends and people in my life are the clients :( Rehyst, I am so sad. I am cursed in Ampbjca and my only way to sulldve here to by servicing these men but I caz't do it no more it has killed my soel. I think suyclde is my only way out. I just don't know what my mom would do.... I am now 26 btw.
sillyrabbit3 30yo Looking for Men or Women Dallas, Texas, United States